Dreams and The PCT

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Dreams and the PCT

Ants and Visions of Cosmos

@wordpress

Ants and Visions of Cosmos

Treats and Circular Thinking

@wordpress blog Suburban Betty Clean and Serene

Treats and Circular Thinking

Relatively Productive Day and Kombucha Update

Posted at Wordpress
Relatively Productive Day and Kombucha Update

Road Ragin' and also Beautiful Things

Posted to wordpress blog:
Suburban Betty Clean & Serene

Moving Site

I'm moving my blog to wordpress, easier to wrangle all my blogs that way.

suburbanbettycleanandserene@wordpress.com

Don't stop believin'!

Don't Dream It...

So as I was whining (but not WINE-ING, so infinitely better) to myself in the shower (come to think of it wine in the shower might be a bit of a stretch anyway) about my significant lack of motivation, this popped into my head. I'm not shitting you, this is seriously the earworm that I am entertaining right now. Those of you that are familiar with the Rocky Horror Picture Show will know exactly what I mean. 

I'm not saying that I, like Frankenfurter, long to return to my home in Transsexual Transylvania. Nay, just that I need to start living again.

So now I am starting to think once again about DISTRACTIONS. Booze is the ultimate distraction. So is smoking. You can while away an afternoon on your patio (well, maybe you have another area) with a pack of Death Stix and a laptop, making lists of tasks that aren't spontaneously happening (whoops, ant on me) because you are DISTRACTED.  By "you" I of course mean moi.

Frankly I'm feeling quite shitty at this moment. Going to sit with it. 

Still there. 

Fuck.

Ok better.

Wow, that sucked. 

Back to the post!

One more day of my long weekend then back to work tomorrow. I'll be assisting Steve, the Portland hipster electrician, to install telecommunications conduit in a minimum security prison dorm  (yes, that is my job). If you've seen Orange is the New Black, it's a very similar environment (except real prisons are not as loosey-goosey as Litchfield is portrayed, nor are the security staff ignorant and mean) We will be installing many many cameras in these units and we have received mixed reactions from the residents- from "That's awesome, I'm going to feel a lot safer." to "That's not gonna stop us.." to "Is this for the Discovery Channel??"

Prison is a place where distractions are welcomed and sometimes necessary. For some inmates, work is a distraction. for others it's sleeping, watching tv (yes, they have tv's, they are purchased at the Commissary at an exorbitant rate and they are see-through plastic), playing cards, drawing, praying, bitching, studying, dreaming. 

Jeez-US. That was grim too. I'm going to stop while I'm behind and quit flapping my metaphorical mouth-parts at you all. I'm going to get some shit done.

Have a great week!!

Morning Ikea and Other Dependencies

Whipped this little Ikea project together while having coffee this morning. Yes, I do realize that this is NOT the Billy bookcases waiting downstairs in boxes, but it's something. It's damn cute.

So I guess it's time to think about my other vices, start knocking them down as I move forward.

SMOKING.

Omg, that's a big one. I quit smoking in Feb 2008 after about 22 years. Quit cold turkey after several attempts. Continued to drink until OCT 2008, then quit that. Worked out. Ate lettuce and similar.
Was perfect saint-like person (well...)

So the drinking started again in 2012, the smoking followed a year later. I assumed the two were symbiotic and when one stopped the other would follow. Now I'm starting to wonder if I drank so I could smoke?? At first, I was only smoking when drinking, so it wasn't very often. Then when my drinking became nearly daily the ciggy intake also dramatically increased. When I decided that I was going to die (please see post of same name) I couldn't figure out which I should concentrate on first- Chicken?? Egg?? Omelet??

What has actually happened is that I have replaced wine & cigs on the patio, with [insert NA beverage] & cigs on the patio. Crap.

SOOOOOOOO now I have to quit smoking. Again. Shit.

QUITTING PROS (this sounds stupid even I as type, but stay with me)

• Won't die
• More energy
• Sleep better
• Less stinky
• Save money

QUITTING CONS

• But I waaaaaant it!!! (that's all I've got here)

Okay, next vice: 

SLEEP AIDS

I've had problems with insomnia my entire life. I've used a variety of OTC aids in my life-- valerian, Unisom (blue pills), and melatonin-- alone and in combinations. While drinking heavily I seriously dosed up on these in order to avoid the 3am wakeup, sometimes swallowing a few valerian during 3am wakeup, all of which made mornings quite difficult. I am now at a point where I've been so used to knocking myself out for fear of not being about to get to sleep/stay asleep, that I'm still going overboard with meds.

So these are some things I'm working on (I'm smoking now, it's very hard to type). 

Have returned to my original inspiration, Allen Carr's Easyway, and now that I'm not drunk-reading anymore I think my chances of success are much increased. Barring that I suppose I could pay someone to knock the cig out of my hand, but that does't seem practical. 

All in all, not bad, considering I could be a gambler, kleptomaniac or possibly sex-addict. So there's that, always a bright side. 

Happy 4th! 

Other People and What They Think of You

Back in 2008, the first time I decided to go-sober (or mostly sober, I was a quarterly drinker, really) my blog would have been called Sober & Smug. In fact, I did write a blog and it wasn't called that, but it was "I Quit Drinking But I'm Not In A 12-Step Program" which was my attempt to explain that I really just DIDN'T WANT TO DO IT ANYMORE.

I wrote it on my OpenSalon Blog (remember that??). I was frustrated with trying to get people to understand that I did not really care whether they still consumed alcohol, but I wasn't into it anymore. Back then, I had quite a few friends with whom I enjoyed adult beverages socially, and my withdrawl from that scene begat several reactions:

• Really?? Why?? Are you in AA??
• I'm not quitting! I don't have a problem.
• Can I still drink in front of you?

Answers:

• No
• Fine
• Yes

Fortunately for me, my husband (we weren't married yet) had also had enough hangover/heartburn and happily (mostly) joined me then, and is joining me now. And that's very big. 

We tried to continue to socialize with the drinkers at the time but it became very uncomfortable for all involved. Those who drank perceived our not-drinking as a judgement on them. In most cases this was true of those who had already become concerned about their alcoholic tendencies but weren't ready to face that. Understandable. They were worried about not HAVING FUN and I was making their fun look seamy and dirty. 

But it was fun! We had a great time going to clubs and ordering Cokes (the first time we did this my husband said "How much does a Coke cost? I've never ordered one before.") We were used to going out on weekends when I didn't have my kids and we were challenged to find night spots that either weren't alcohol-centric or at least served decent NA beverages. We went to see music and ordered decaf coffee and tater tots (tots are big here, don't ask me why- it's a "thing") and noticed that if you weren't running up a huge bar tab your service tended to be rather crappy. 

Back to the support issue. I am reading that not all of you have it at home and it breaks my heart. Some of you have spouses who are supportive but don't really want to change their habits. Some of you are frequently sabotaged by those close to you who are either afraid they, too, have to change, or that YOU will change and maybe your relationship will change. They want you to be "normal", ei not struggling and maybe spotlighting their own issues. 

I hope that you all hang in there anyway and find the strength to put yourselves first (many of you for the first time in a long time.) It's all about you now. SPOTLIGHT ON YOU! You are ready for your closeup!! 

I know this can be done because I've done it before, a lot of you have. I was Clean and Serene, I shall be again, so shall you, so sayith I. We're going to be SUPER AWESOME sober. Think about it- even on our most HORRIBLY WRETCHED hungover days, we still held it all together. We went to work, dropped off/picked up kids, cleaned, cooked, shopped, ran our businesses, performed our DIY and managed to get IT ALL DONE. Think of what a scary force we shall be when we return to these duties without headaches and dehydration. We can probably plan vacations with the money we save on IBUPROFIN ALONE. 

Now, as I type this, I have to admit that I am doing it to avoid cleaning my kitchen. Baby steps.